Rape in the Congo: Love in the 21st Century

My blog--discussing the twisted, violent nature of love in today's romance stories--has gone live on Reader's Entertainment.

See the link below.

http://www.readersentertainment.com/blog/2013/love-in-the-21st-century-by-david-j-schmidt/

Book Review of "Pirates of the Danube"

A lovely book review from the blogger, "Diary of Bones".

"Something Harlequin this way comes". I love it.

http://pasoubliette.blogspot.com/2013/03/something-harlequin-this-way-creeps.html

Take a look at her blog; you won't be disappointed.

Image from blog, Diary of Bones.

http://pasoubliette.blogspot.com/

Free book giveaway this Passover / Palm Sunday weekend!

You read correctly, friend--that hot erotica novel, that capsule of condensed sexuality and nakedity known by the title "Pirates of the Danube", will be available for FREE for your e-reader for two days.

On Passover / Palm Sunday weekend, March 23 and 24, you can download the e-book version of this book FOR FREE on Kindle.

Just go to the Kindle store and download the book, free of cost, any time this weekend:

http://www.amazon.com/Pirates-of-the-Danube-ebook/dp/B009479CH2/ref=la_B00BXTBY7K_1_1_title_0_main?ie=UTF8&qid=1363839422&sr=1-1

You will be on the edge of your well-soiled seat, dear reader, as you enjoy the sensual adventures of Pepper MacOralby, Baron Von Hugenstein, and the young doctor Sigmund Freud.

Here's what folks are already saying about "Pirates of the Danube":

“This man is illiterate.”

-Gary Shteyngart, legitimate East Coast author

“Thank you for contacting the White House. We apologize for not being able to respond to every letter with a personalized response.”

-Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States

“Schmidt has breathed new life into the classic ‘slutty American novel’…”

-Anna Marie Cortez, former Kinko’s employee

“David Schmidt writes books by women, for women.”

-Alejandra Cordova, woman

“You’ll read this book, if you know what’s good for you.”

Biff Chode, local thug

Please, don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. If you don't download this book on Passover / Palm Sunday weekend, you'll wish you had been born with a millstone tied around your neck and been thrown into the ocean.

Note to our international friends: This book giveaway will be going on for the entirety of Saturday and Sunday, March 23 and 24, no matter which part of the planet you are on. If it's Saturday or Sunday somewhere on God's green earth, the book will be free on Kindle. 

Passover Book Giveaway

Coming this Passover...

"Pirates of the Danube". Free. For your e-reader.

You're welcome, world.

Book Giveaway...coming prematurely soon!

ITEM!

Hey, gang, gather 'round and take a listen to this here cherry of a bit o' news!

Just nine (9) days from today, the hit romance parody "Pirates of the Danube" will be available for free on Kindle.

The big book giveaway will take place on Passover / Palm Sunday weekend, March 23 and 24. On these two days, you'll be able to download this steaming pile of literature for free from Kindle.

Enjoy delectable little titbits of erotic literature such as these:

* * * *

The table was set with a glamorous Viennese breakfast of blood pudding and spotted dick. The Baron had doubtless warned the servants that he and Pepper would need a hearty breakfast, as they were ravenous with the hunger of the recently laid.  

* * * *

“Your candles, Baron,” Pepper began, haltingly. “They’ve caught the drapes ablaze…” The Baron shook his head, staring only at Pepper’s heaving décolletage.

“The servants shall…” he muttered without finishing his sentence. The Baron appeared to have been rendered absolutely incapable of speech, his tongue silenced by the intense arousal, as if he were some sort of libidinal Avox.

* * * *

A dapper young man staggered out, reeking of cheap rum. His hair was dishevelled and his shirt tail untucked; and yet, he bore the unmistakeable mien of a man with wealth. The man’s arms were draped around two of Madame Abigail’s most whorish whores. 

The twin shutters of the uppermost window of the brothel swung open with a bang. “Mister Darcy, as I live and breathe!” shouted the buxom Madame. “The greatest benefactor my brothel has ever known!”

* * * *

“A preternatural evil is being awakened in Vienna,” Sigmund told Pepper. “Terrible pagan rites are taking place in secretive catacombs beneath the earth. Covens of cloaked figures are engaging in horrific rituals, coaxing an ancient beast awake from eons of slumber.”

“I should very much like to see your cock,” Pepper said.

* * * *

As the couple entered Doctor Freud’s room, Pepper pulled a long match from betwixt her cleavage and lit the candles on the nightstand. “Why ever do you light all these candles, Miss MacOralby?” Sigmund asked. “Why all this light?”

“The better to bang you by, my dear.”

* * * *

Tell your friends, tell your neighbors, tell your rabbi, priest and pastor--there's no better way to celebrate these high holy days than by downloading Pirates of the Danube.